


When The Sun Goes Up

by marybay



Category: Peaky Blinders (TV)
Genre: Alfie As A Dad, M/M, Sad, Sad Ending, Sorry Not Sorry, Tom and Alfie take care of Charlie together
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-08-11
Updated: 2020-08-11
Packaged: 2021-03-06 07:01:48
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Major Character Death
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,649
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25845496
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/marybay/pseuds/marybay
Summary: The cancer's caught up to Alfie and in his last moments, all he can think of are his boys.
Relationships: Charlie Shelby & Alfie Solomons, Charlie Shelby & Tommy Shelby, Tommy Shelby & Alfie Solomons, Tommy Shelby/Alfie Solomons
Comments: 9
Kudos: 35





	When The Sun Goes Up

**Author's Note:**

> I wrote this while crying, thinking about why exactly I'm writing it. Probably for the feels. It's not long, exactly, but I believe it's decent.

,,Tommy. Tommy. ." Alfie coughed weakly, looking at the man he's loved for so long. . For so long and barely had time to tell him.

They barely had a year of time before his body started giving up. 

Alfie wished he hadn't inhaled the gas back in 1918 but what can he do now? Nothing. Nothing at all.

He's challenged death once already, he's not as lucky to beat it twice, is he?

Alfie just wished he wasn't leaving his Tommy. He wished for one more bloody day to show Tommy that he does love him. 

He wished for so many moments with Tommy that he knew won't be able to happen. And he did hate himself for it. He didn't like Tommy being alone. 

Seeing Tommy walk into their kitchen in the morning, with a tiny smile on his face and a blush spreading around his cheeks from the heat is a sight he longs to see again, because it's a piece of art that no one can recreate.

Seeing Tommy on a horse, just riding it like he doesn't care about anything in the God damned world. . . _Now that, is a sight._

Alfie smiles to himself.

Even on his death bed, it's Tommy he thinks of. 

God, does he love the man. He loves the blue, gorgeous eyes that look at him in the morning with appreciation and so much love in them.

_Tommy's eyes sparkle when he's happy_ — Alfie thought, smiling weakly. 

Alfie just wished that he could once more see the eyes, shining as if sun was reflecting on a beautiful, very beautiful sea. 

Alfie looked at Tommy. His eyes were weak, but he needed to see him. He needed to see the man he loves for the last time until death brings them together again. 

Gods, Alfie wanted to wake Tommy up, he really did. Just so he could tell him he loves him once more. Just so Tommy knew, and was sure that Alfie does.

Weakly and painfully slowly, he shook Tommy awake and smiled at him lazily. The shining eyes were staring at him, but he knew Tommy was still asleep.

_This was good enough._

,,Tommy." 

,,Hm?" 

The man looked at him with those blue, angel-like eyes and Alfie almost believed he was dead already.

How his Tommy was so beautiful was a mystery to all, never to be solved. 

Those beautiful cheekbones that moved upwards when he smiled. 

The gorgeous nose, that Alfie loved to kiss. 

The gorgeous jawline, that made him want Tommy even more.

The puffy lips, that Alfie could stare at all day.

Gods, Tommy — his Tommy — was truly a piece of art.

,,I love you." Alfie said weakly.

Tommy simply scooted closer to Alfie, his face in the crook of Alfie's neck and Alfie did his best to put his hand around Tommy. 

Alfie didn't need to hear the words, he was sure Tommy loved him. 

He was so sure that just the tiny smile on Tommy's face and the fact that Tommy felt safe next to him were enough to prove the love they felt. 

It was enough for Alfie, but Gods, Tommy deserved so much more. 

Tommy deserved morning kissess that he loved so much. , 

When Alfie woke him up by pressing his lips against Tommy's cheek, or lips, the man smiled and those blue eyes shone like the most gorgeous Sapphires to exist.

Tommy deserved to be held. . 

Whenever he came home from soms business party or anything similar, he was worn out and asked to be held. . Gods, how Alfie wished to hold him.

He wanted to, he wanted to hold Tommy so badly he'd give his life for it.

Closing his eyes, he tried to hold Tommy and surprisingly, he could. So he took the opportunity and held him as if he were a life-line. Which Tommy, in fact was.

_Gods, Tommy_ — Alfie thought — _I'm never sorry, right love. But right now. I'm so fucking sorry, Tommy._

_I'm sorry, that I can't see you anymore._

_I'm sorry, that I can't hold your body close anymore._

_I'm sorry, Tommy, that I'll never kiss you again._

_And lastly, Tommy._

_I'm sorry, that you've fallen in love with someone who's a dying old man._

Alfie thought of (now) their son, Charlie.

Their beautiful babyboy that loves him so much, as does he.

The boy he comforted everytime he's had a scraped knee.

The boy that lied in between them at night last winter, warming the bed more than necessary but they didn't move farther from each other.

The little boy that he and Tommy raised together for the whole year, being the best they could be. At least Tommy was, Alfie thought he wasn't good enough.

Gods, the boy was basically just like Tommy when he was young and that probably hurt even more. 

Alfie will never again hear the boy call out to him,

"Dad! Dad! Look at this horse!" As he shows him a weirdly shaped rock.

_Horses_ , Alfie smiles to himself, _both of his boys love them._

Gods, the little boy's eyes light up everytime he sees him and Tommy doing literally anything and he's being ripped off of the opportunity to see it again.

_Fucking hell,_ Alfie thinks, he's far too weak to even cry.

God, Charlie, he'll miss his little boy so much and undoubtedly the boy will miss him too.

_But he's only little, he'll take it well. Hopefully._

_Gods, Tommy, Charlie, my boys. I'm so fucking sorry._ — Alfie thinks.

And he wished he could say it. He wished, but his throat no longer worked.

He wished Tommy could hear him, oh God he wished to say so many things. 

He wanted to apologize for everything he's done to Tommy.

For every betrayal.

For every fight.

He wanted to apologize to Charlie, for being a bad dad and leaving so soon.

For not being able to see any more rock horses.

For not being able to scare off any more monsters.

For not being able to tell tales about him and Tommy, that Charlie loved to hear so much.

With everything Alfie had in himself he tried to get up,

But he fucking couldn't even move properly anymore, fuck! 

He won't even see Charlie for the last time, because his body just refuses to fucking listen to him!

His eyes closed on their own, not listening to him anymore and he felt himself relaxing slowly but surely. 

_This is it_ , Alfie thought, _This is **the final journey of The Wandering Jew.**_

He felt Tommy wrap his hand around his hip, and that was enough.

He felt at peace. He felt at home.

**_Goodbye, my boys._ **

•••

Tommy woke up unusually cold this morning, his body was embraced by another, equally cold one — which was rather weird as it was summer. 

He opened his eyes and saw Alfie.

He remembered Alfie shaking him awake at night, telling him he loves him and—

Tommy's eyes widened as he slowly moved away from the embrace, his tears now glistening with tears and his lips being bitten.

_He has to be strong for Charlie, he has to._

_He has to._

He hugs Alfie with everything he has in him. He cries into his shoulder, begs him to wake up but Alfie doesn't.

The tears are staining the black shirt Alfie was wearing, but Tommy can't care about it right now. 

_Alfie's gone._

His love, the man Tommy loved ever since he's met him, is gone.

The dad of their kid, is gone...

,,Alfie, I love you. I love you so much." Tommy cries, wishing to do something, 

Anything,

To save Alfie, but he's too late.

Far too late.

He'll never see Alfie and Charlie read books together again. The way Charlie's eyes lit up every time Alfie's decided he'll read to him..

_Gods, how will he explain this to Charlie?_

Tommy just wants Alfie to open his beautiful brown eyes and smile at him again. Smile at him and tell him that he's here.

And that he always will be here.

Except Alfie doesn't do anything..

Tommy's fists are on Alfie's chest as he cries into them.

He cries and cries, and cries..

He's basically wailing, hot tears staining his pale face but he can't do shit about it! 

They didn't even have time to say good bye. They didn't have the time others, who are undeserving of it, have. They didn't have anything.

_Because Alfie had to go._

He hears rushed footsteps and knows that Charlie's going to burst into the door soon.

Tommy quickly gets in front of the doors and sees the blue eyed boy running up towards him with a smile on his face and Tommy wishes that there was a brown eyed man smiling at him as well.

_Fuck. He has to be strong for Charlie._

,,Good morning, Charlie." Tommy greets, wiping his cheeks and attempting a smile that results in a grimace.

,,Where's dad?" Charlie asks and Tommy feels his heart shatter into million pieces and be stepped on.

,,He's. . ." Tommy swallows, almost choking on a sob. ,,He's gone to heaven, Charlie."

There was no better way to say it, there was no better way to explain that Alfie's got beaten by fucking cancer.

,,Dad's left us?" Charlie asks, eyes wide — already filling with tears.

Tommy grabbed the boy's shoulders lightly and hugged him as tightly as he could.

He wasn't sure if he was comforting himself or Charlie.

,,Not because he wanted to, love." Tommy sighs and closes his eyes, letting his tears fall a little before they burn his eyes to ashes.

,,So he'll come back, right?" Charlie's voice was full of hope and Tommy hated to crush it.

,,No Charlie," Tommy sobs ,,He won't." 

The worst image Tommy ever's engraved into his mind, is Charlie's shoulders slumping and asking Tommy about why dad isn't coming back.

**Author's Note:**

> The title is inspired by a song :   
> Jupiter Tank - I Just Want To Feel Again


End file.
